This flu is kicking my fucking ass.

I don't think I've ever had one this bad. It's wild, but while I was hallucinating / feeling like shite, I was dreaming about the city of Dublin being founded and then built into what it was today.



Once it got to today's Dublin, I didn't feel as badly.

Every time I woke up / got up the time period jumped ahead. It was extremely weird. I'm literally fucking dying.

This is the same shit my roommate had that made him sit on the couch and watch Dexter for 4 days because he couldn't move.

Apparently, when your sick, think about building a city and boom. You can actually walk without being dizzy as fuck.

---And to make things worse I thought I could just sit on my bed and watch Minnesota today, but apparently the Big 10 network who "says" they are showing the game here aren't. Fuck.

How the fuck can Adam Weber throw for 5 TDs and not one to Eric Decker.

This is like a bizarro world. Also, that Tow-Arnett bit to Bennett. Holy Crap.

An illegal helmet to helmet hit leads to a fumble into the awaiting arms of an on rushing tailback like a hook and ladder play and the game ends.

42-34.

Watch them feckin lose to South Dakota State now (yes, that's an actual school, not a made up one).

YOUR....TOLEDO...WALLEYE (crowd cheers)

Well, the Toledo Walleye game was fucking awesome.

It was made more impressive when Sawyer shoots in the OT winner and the whole team creates a big dogpile on the ice to the Fratellis "Chelsea Dagger".

What a blast. Minor League Hockey is sweet. If you are in the Toledo area you should definitely check them out.

Tales from NCAA Football 2010

Most of you know I take sports way too seriously, for several reasons (I'll skip the lengthy reasons now for the sake of e-time). Well, sports video games at some point also fall into that category. The following is a literal translation of the posts I was making on my soccer forum regarding our NCAA 10 dynasty league, in which I play the Toledo Rockets.

Let me preface this with....I had already lost four games. 31-9 against Purdue, 37-13 to Colorado, 27-7 against #3 OSU (my hardest fought game so far) up to this point and a 31-21 loss to FIU. I'm getting frustrated. The intensity is building as the losses keep mounting up, and I'm beginning to regret my Madden boycott from 2004 in which I really just stopped playing football video games (which are now more complicated than ever).

Why did I boycott Madden 2004? Well, as you'll remember if you play these games it was the pre-being caught killing Dogs Michael Vick on the cover game. He was almost as good as Video Bo.

Now, that is high fucking praise when it comes to video football games. As you can see above the video game version of Bo Jackson in Nintendo's Tecmo Bowl was probably the most dominant fake player to ever exist.

Michael Vick in '04 was almost that good. I remember the day I boycotted the game clearly. I was downstairs in my new house at college playing my roommate Nikhil.

I was the Falcons because I wanted to scramble with Vick every 5 seconds and he was the Eagles, because McNabb was a beast in this game as well.

So, Vick is throwing interceptions, and by interceptions I mean he throws 4.

Two of which were my fault, two of which were the bullshit handicap rule that Madden put into the game (like NFL Blitz used to have).

My patience is waning and I am beginning to get angry. The fifth pick of the game happens when a computer player jumps OUTSIDE OF WHAT YOU CAN SEE ON THE TV SCREEN and picks it. I've never seen such fucking bullshit in my life.

"That's it". I tell Nikhil. "One more fucking bullshit pick and I am taking this game out and ripping it in half".

5 plays later, in the red zone, Vick throws, the ball is tipped by my own receiver and Nikhil's DB does some bullshit diving catch and intercepts it.

That's it. Game out of the Playstation 2. Game Broken in half. Boycott of Madden begins.

I think I may have played NCAA for a year after that, but then I just stopped playing football games because of the handicaps and bullshit crap. Recently however I decided to give NCAA a go again, and on my soccer forum we started a dynasty league in which I took over the Toledo Rockets of the MAC.

My skills have diminished, the skill level is harder, and now going into my fifth game at 0-4 I'm already at the Madden 2004 edge.

Here is the live "post by post" between myself and Big C (who is the other member in the league) from 24-7 of the game between Toledo and Ball State.


Me - 5:34pm A it's rainy day in "Funcie".

My first drive stalls and I settle for a FG.

They come back and get a quick strike TD in about 5 plays.

I begin another longer drive. Throw a ball that my receiver bobbles at their 20 and it falls into the hands of their DB.

Then...on their ensuing drive....PICK SIX MOTHERFUCKER.

10-7 Toledo with most of the 2nd quarter left to play.

Me - 5:36pm - Wow, then they score a 63 yard TD run because my defense misses the tackle and can't hold on.

Now, I throw an interception when the player was wide open an an LB came out of nowhere.

Looks like this game is going the FIU way. Fuck.

Ironically "Bad Luck" by Social Distortion plays on my computer during this sequence.

Big C - 5:38pm - hang in there, u need to get to the mac championship game! is the catching a little better at least since i changed the slider

Me - 5:46pm - No shot man, this shit is over. I'm just not good enough to be able to compete at this level.

Not to mention some bad breaks and the Madden players coming out of nowhere to intercept the ball.

I'd say my personal fuck up to game fucking me up ratio is maybe 35/65....

It's 21-10 now. Still time to come back, but something always thwarts me.

Me - 5:49pm -It is catching better. 60 yard TD pass.

21-17. Toledo.

Big C - 5:56pm - this is all-american difficulty, 2nd hardest out of the 4 difficulties. defense can be tough, i usually stay away from man coverage so i have deep safety help if my cb fvcks up the tackle.

Me - 6:01pm - Oh, also. I can definitely say the computer has NEVER and I mean NEVER gotten a penalty since I've been playing.

I've gotten roughing the passers some of which were my fault, some which weren't, a bunch of face masks, holds etc.

They've had nothing.

Flawless football in the MAC it seems. (During the game, three goal line stands are ruined when I stop them on 3rd down and some bullshit face mask penalty gives them a new set of downs).

Me - 6:05pm - I think I found my offense. The spread has been ripping them a new asshole.

Another TD for 64 yards.

24-28 Ball State, half of the 3rd to go.

Big C - 6:05pm - i don't know if you've been choosing an aggressive or conservative mentality, it gives the option at the beginning of each half or whatever. but if u choose aggressive you will constantly get penalties. id go conservative or medium.

Me - 6:09pm - This is unfuckingbelievable. I've had FOUR bullshit facemask calls, 3 of them on my goal line stands.

Meanwhile they got their first penalty EVER.

This game will soon go the way of Madden 2004 if it keeps being this frustrating.

***And I am going conservative.

Big C - 6:10pm - dude u must be on aggressive or something because i never get penalties.

Me - 6:12pm - 104 Yard Interception Return For A Touchdown!!!!!

Get The fuck In You Dancer!!!!!!

31-28 Toledo.

Me - 6:19pm - This would be one of the best ever games to watch on TV.

Their next play....63 yard touchdown run as my entire defense gets sucked in and beat.

Next possession, I throw an interception, but stop them.

Just now, I got on a 60 yard drive, finishing with a 20 yard fade to the end zone for a TD with a tip toe catch.

38-35 Toledo with 3:13 to go.

Me - 6:21pm - Great, another 3 down stop and another 15 yard facemask penalty. So they can still keep the ball.

I think that's 6 now? Jesus.

Big C - 6:22pm - dude something weird is on. check your aggression at the bottom of the menu.

(Nothing is actually wrong unfortunately).

Me - 6:31pm - Hold them to 3. 38-38.
I throw an interception. Pick Six. 45-38 Ball State.
66 yard TD pass by me. 45-45. Less than 1 minute to go.
Big Stop by my defense. They punt.
I throw a 48 yard TD strike with 11 seconds left. 52-45 Toledo.

BATS THE BALL DOWN ON THEIR THROW AND ITS OVAH! ITS ALL OVAH!!!!!

Roll Toledo!

Me - 6:33 - This game is an instant classic.

Game Rank: #1

Classic Score: 1497

Big C - 6:34 - nice man. first win, and its a conference game. and you thought it was over at 21-10...

Me - 6:36pm - That was like...the most insane game ever. How do I get to view it in the classic rankings or whatever?

Big C - 6:40pm - not sure about that one. might have had to save the highlights or something. dunno though

Me - 6:49pm - Ok boyo, I'm off to the pub for the USA game. I'm so fucking pumped right now I could run through like 5 walls and headbutt Brett Farve in the face.

I need to take this high into the US game.

"All the Negativity in This Town sucks"

Well, that was disappointing. I expected the series to go 4. I still think the Twins were pretty much fucked over in Game 2, but there was no way they were going to win this series.

The Yankees were just flat out better and the Twins who committed the least amount of fuck ups in baseball in the regular season decided to save all their fuck ups for the playoffs.

Congrats to the Evil Empire. I hope you fucking lose (I would anyways, regardless of you beating the Twins).


Baseball for me now is dead for the year with the Sox out too. Hopefully Hunter can get a ring, that's really all I care about at this point.

AL Central Champs is a decent thing to rest your laurels on but what I demand to see next year is Mauer signed long term and the payroll bumped up to AT LEAST 80 million, if not 85 to 90 (which would still put them below the top 13).

If not, and the team stays the exact same, then the people of Minnesota should lynch the Pohlads for lying and misleading the fans.

There was a promise to the people of the state that by paying for the stadium the payroll would increase dramatically. If that isn't done, they should be held accountable.

The "small market" bit is complete bullshit, and the club can no longer hide behind that as its not the early 80s anymore, its 2009 and the Twin Cities are a Top 15 market and its time to start acting like one.

I'm not asking to be the Evil Empire who has 3x the Twins payroll, but I do want them to at least have a high enough payroll to keep all the stars they bring up.

This team, with a Hunter, Santana etc would be going places, rather than putting up a lame fight in the ALDS.

Tuesday Night Lights...Literally

So...the opposition kicks the ball into our zone, and myself being a member of team huge batters the ball out to clear it.

"Out" however means, kicks it so hard it skies in the air and then breaks some of the fluorescent lights above the arena.

It was fucking awesome. For a brief second I wanted to stand under the light with the glass falling down like Connor MacLeod from the Clan MacLeod would do.

Then I realized, I'd probably just get cut and my Mom would be pissed.

Here's more of the clean up. Man, it really felt good to break that light.

If you ever played the video game Arch Rivals as a kid and had a dunk that smashed the glass you'll know EXACTLY what I felt when I did it.



We won too. Against the top team. 6-4.


Awaiting the Quickening that happens when one Highlander destroys the florescent lights at an indoor soccer arena.

There can be only one.

Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Minnesota for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn at the Metrodome not knowing for sure why they're doing it.

They'll arrive at your gate as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person.

They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon.

They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes.

And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray.

The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again.

But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again.



Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

Congratulations to my Minnesota Twins on their 5th AL Central Division Title.

They were one of the only three teams to have won enough to overtake a three-game deficit in the standings with four games left since 1901.

Remarkable times indeed.